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trapped in my bedroom

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1 trapped in my bedroom on 17th February 2010, 8:20 pm

So as i might have mentioned before on pinkforum.. me and my bf are looking to get a house this year.. so far its been very difficult.. I feel all the good houses where we want to live in florence are too expensive and t-man is VERY picky when it comes to where it is..Why did i meet a picky italian man! argh! So we are looking and staying with his parents in the meantime because t doesnt want to "waste" money on rent.. Its not crowded.. They have a 3 level house which is more than big. There is a top level with 3 bedrooms and a bathroom, the middle with living room , big bathroom and huge kitchen, and the bottom level is where we are with a living room- dining room- small kitchen and bedroom/bathroom. its our little haven.. or so I thought..

I agreed to this situation with an open mind but lately I have felt kinda "trapped " in my bedroom syndrome.. I work from home on my laptop with occasional meetings in the center so I am mainly at home tapping away with my cuppa tea and sanity ( which is going away slowly) .. and I LOVE t's parents, they enjoy having us there and promised they would stay "out of our way".. so to speak..

During the week when I am in "work mode" I prefer to be alone in the dining room with my laptop, so that I am not in the bedroom all of the time. the problem is, its distracting because t-mans mom is ALWAYS downstairs.. doing something in the kitchen or washing clothes ( which as you know is very loud ) or ironing. I dont know why it has to be downstairs but thats the way it is.. and I often spend 5-6 hours in the bedroom during the day to get the alone time I need to work and focus..

sometimes I wander into the kitchen to find she is using it for sauce, boiling cabbage, deer, humans... because apparently the one upstairs is for eating and not for cooking? like what? There is a HUGE door/window upstairs which can be opened to let cooking smells out and there is a door seperating the kitchen from the living room so i just dont understand why she doesnt just use the better kitchen upstairs..?

I feel in debt to them since I am staying in their house but lately since I have been at home more.. I am just starting to feel that annoyance creep up on me.. sometimes i want to make a snack and bring it in the room and if shes out there i dont want to since I know she doesnt approve of me bringing it in the bedroom..or just hearing the whirr of the washing machine going 1,000 times a day, or just any sounds.. lol..

I have talked it over with t and he says he will talk to her but then I just feel guilty even saying anything.. ya know? Embarassed

I guess I just get this feeling shes always trying to see what I am doing or if I am really working ( shes a housewife) .. she doesnt really understand online anything or marketing or what I do so .. it kind of falls flat .. for example, today she came downstairs to ask if i had aspirin and I took a look around and told her no but she was peeking around me into the bedroom to see for herself.. inwardly i was like ughhhhhhh.. give it a rest, i didnt "take" the aspirin and hiding it our bedroom!


I really can't say it enough how I do love his parents , its just hard for me since I left home at 17 and am not used to it.. I wish t was more open to renting until we find a place so I could feel more comfortable but I know we need to save money as well.. its def. a conundrum..

anyone else have similar problems? or maybe I am just going crazy/paranoid from spending 99% of time in my bedroom? Shocked

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2 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 17th February 2010, 10:12 pm

They must understand you want your own space! im sure they will understand especially as you are working from home and need to concentrate on what your doing if your BF explains it like that im sure they will be ok Very Happy

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3 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 18th February 2010, 7:42 pm

Oh boy can I relate!
It's not you...these Italians are all the same! My MIL always picks the worst time to do shit and it's always focused in the kitchen. She also thinks the table is the perfect ironing board...don't these people actually HAVE real ironing boards??? Once she ironed my jeans and later I noticed a blotch of dried dough at the hem!

I live with my MIL in a tiny 3 bedroom, 2 bath apt. and she always has a reason for being in my half! Do you know my blog? Help! I live with my Italian MIL...maybe you can be a guest poster, haha.

The thing I always have to remind myself is that she means well...and now I am taking drugs to cope...don't let it get to that point if you can help it! Shocked

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4 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 19th February 2010, 12:35 pm

I have an agreement with my MIL....neither one of us wants to live with the other. HOORAY! It probably helps that she is English...

Incidently how is a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom appartment tiny? We are in 5 with a 2 bed, one bathroom!

But, seriously, it is true that it is different when it is your MIL u r sharing with, and not your kids. Is there no chance of you getting your own place? I know it is normal for many (my grandmother lived with us for over 13 years)and sometimes you don't have a choice...but it seems so unhealthy in the long term. I have promised my mum I won't have her live with me, she has begged me to put her in a home with her music if the necessity comes...she couldn't stand being around me 24/7!(i am sure I should be offend but I think I am relieved!)xxx

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5 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 2:15 am

i'd be driven right out of my mind... and i want to know more about the drugs you are taking to cope, leah! i might need some! (hubby is always working in the house, watching sports at all hours when he has a "break", and I feel a lack of freedom in my own home sometimes.)

i don't live with MIL fortunately, and she has always stayed out of my business, but i know of many other situations like yours. not fun, and i, too left home young so I could not deal with "living with MIL"... overall, there is very little understanding of our culture among these italians... they cannot wrap their minds around a 17-yr-old being independent... they cannot understand how anyone would not want them in their business!!!

Can you work with headphones on? It won't help with the cabbage! Sad I suppose that I would make flat-out comments about how much the food stinks and how it's cold on the ground floor so you don't want the windows open for long. Maybe you can joke about it or something... "yeah, ma was down there trying to stink me out of the house..." translate that into italian...

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6 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 3:17 pm

thanks for all of the helpful replies! I have read your blog Leah and LOVE it.. its nice not to feel "alone" in all of this.. This is a "temporary" situation for us but still sometimes I want to bang my head against the wall.. and feel like its my home..Our MIL (easier to say even if were not married) is super clean and moving around stuff.. I respect that but its impossible to be her level of clean unless you don't work lol..

I have spoken to T about it and he said he will help but honestly I don;t think things will change until we leave.. she is just a very curious person I think and lovesssssssss to see what I am "really" doing lol.. and yes the ironing system needs a forum post of its own! oh my god the sounds it makes. a boeing 747 is quieter than the iron! Im surprised it doesn't create nuclear energy! not to mention the TV on super loud! If i overhear "prova dello cuoco" or beautiful.. kill me now! Razz

house talks have been more and more lately but thats a whole other drama.. is it sad that I would PREFER to pay a mortgage or rent than sibling fighting over what the other one gets? I didn't know as parents everything has to be so "fair" or the kids get mad.. my parents always taught us.. you need to do SOMETHING with your life and we will help but definitly wouldnt if we had no job/ no career or prospects.. hell no.. ehh.... but since t's the younger son ( albeit the one with a job ect ect.. stable income to actually pay for the spese ) .. it causes family problems.. so annoying!

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7 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 3:27 pm

Ggnitaly84 wrote:Our MIL (easier to say even if were not married) is super clean and moving around stuff.. I respect that but its impossible to be her level of clean unless you don't work lol..


oh yeah... how is it that we are judged on our cleanliness and orderliness performance and measured against these women who have never done ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!???

I don't get it. Have struggled with this one ever since i set foot in this country. And i'm like, this is my house, not a friggin hotel.

plus, if you compare me to the people I GREW UP WITH, I am SUPER orderly and my house IS SPOTLESS.

so, those are the moments when I miss just being around people who "get me"

cyclops

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8 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 7:26 pm

Ggnitaly84 wrote: is it sad that I would PREFER to pay a mortgage or rent than sibling fighting over what the other one gets? I didn't know as parents everything has to be so "fair" or the kids get mad..

Oh god, my ex's parents were like that. His sister got married a few years ago, and his parents insisted on giving him and his brother the same money that they'd just paid out for his sis' wedding. I mean, how nuts is that? My family's the same as yours, Georgette: my dad will always help out if we need it, but we're expected to stand on our own two feet.

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9 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 8:07 pm

I know it's easy for me to say since I don't have (or live with!) Italian in laws but you just need to refuse to let them judge you for your cleanliness. Mad We live in what (by Italian standards) is a pigsty but I refuse to care.

Personally I don't think my parents owe us anything - they brought us up and that is enough. I pay my own rent and hopefully one day a mortgage! Even if I had the money I don't think I'd want to hand my daughter a house (car etc.) on a silver platter either.

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10 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 20th February 2010, 8:08 pm

I dont bother cleaning much anymore as my BF's ex-girl friends mother comes to clean our place on saturdays and he pays her for it (hes still friends with the ex shes married and lives in holland but shes really lovely and we are all friends)

My italian isnt that good but i still pick up on the woman's comments on my cleaning as she moves round the place like a whirl wind. Sometimes i feel rather insulted when she seems to think im lazy and take it personally but as my BF wants her to keep cleaning the place and pay her for it there is really no point me doing anything especially when i do do something i have done it wrong or not to her standards!!

It use to frighten me as she is very mothering and used to tell me off for leaving my clothes on the chair in the bedroom etc now i just smile knowing shes only there for a few hours then she is gone for another week and i dont have to worry about it lol

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11 Re: trapped in my bedroom on 24th February 2010, 9:31 am

hi,

i can understand.
am living with mine parends in law for 4years now.

we do have our own sleeping room,livingroom and lithel kitchen.
but its stil very hard.
because i lived in amsterdam on mine own.

in the back there are a bathroom,other sleeping room and a biger kitchen.but its not finished yet.and cost a lot of money.
wat we dont have as am not really working.

but we hope ad least this year we wilhave our own bathroom so we have to go less to there side.

i can close the door betwine us its only that mine lithel girl always opens it to go to nonna.

lots of time amfeeling really down.and miss privecy and a house for us.

but then on the otherside.they give up more than half there house for us.

but cant waith for the time we can close the wall betwine us and bey our own stuff and call it a bit HOME

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